With encouragement from my wonderful husband and prompting from God, I’ve felt like it’s time to start writing my story in God, my testimony of Jesus. My story with Him will never end. Jesus has always known me, and sought after me. God has been refining me, taking me through a process of deep refining my heart, softening my heart, opening my eyes and ears to Him. In the past few years I have discovered how truly alive and passionate God is, present in each one of His own children and here to heal, and He seeks to deliver and save to all who call on Him. At the same time this was happening, there were areas in my life where I harbored jealousy, resentment, fear, anger, and bitterness because I wasn’t happy with who I was. The main thing I had that was a hindrance to me and the Lord in me was a man-pleasing spirit. It was a mask that covered who I really am. But in His faithfulness and love, He revealed to me what was inside me, and began to walk me into real freedom.
This was a process, and I didn’t always yield to Him. As a result, I made decisions that hurt people around me. As God started to show me my heart, He showed me times and patterns throughout my life when I had been judgmental, hard hearted, and times I turned my heart away from Him in fear. He showed me how friendships turned bad, how I had neglected investing in friends and family members from selfishness that was in my heart. In the end only hurt myself and I locked away God inside of me. But even in that He lavished grace on me, as He is my Eternal Father and has the final word on my life. There were times when I tried to fix mistakes I made, but God wanted to take me deeper, as He is concerned with the ways of my heart more my actions. Like David and Saul, they both messed up, but David’s heart was towards the Lord, Saul’s was not. In brokenness of so many things, I ran to Him. Repentance is a beautiful gift and the turning point in the redemption story. I turned my heart towards Him, I let go of everything I had done, and I began to change my mind about who I thought I was to who I really am. God is so exciting and passionately in love with me. He only sees me through His blood, He has completely forgotten my sin and washed me clean. His nature is love, goodness, faithfulness, kindness. I began to really encounter Him in all these things. I don’t know why I’d want anything else! A never-ending Yes rose up in my heart to Him, and resounds deep in my heart and is taking me deeper still. I am free to be me in front of God, not pretending to be somebody I’m not. A new authenticity was birthed. I began to talk to Him about things that I had only thought about for years..things that He has shown me answers for in an instant. He only desired me to bring these things to Him because He is so about relationship with people.
As I kept coming to Him real and pure, He took leaps and bounds towards me. He reached in to my heart farther than I ever asked. This is who my Daddy is. He knows me, He knows my heart. He went farther in and opened me up to His dreams for me. He is perfect in His love. He is completely faithful. Opening up to Him is key, because He needs access into my heart, otherwise lies become a root system instead of Truth. He desires Truth in my inmost parts. In these days, this is essential. Real relationship with Jesus. It’s the way of the kingdom.
Something I have learned on my journey is how important my response is to God. Every time I respond to God, it affects everyone around me. It changes the atmosphere. This is the power He has given to us. He calls us to this kind of responsibility, as His legitimate sons and daughters. Taking on this responsibility in joy and deep love is freedom in Jesus. And He has given us everything we need to live a courageous life of love. But the key is to believe in who He is and who we are, otherwise we totally miss out on the most wonder filled life ever, and we’ll be shaken by circumstances because of our lack of trust. It is now a time to trust Him above anything or anyone else. Anything else is a faulty foundation, and it will be washed away in storms.
Abiding in Him and His promises is key. The children of Israel did not enter the land that was promised to them because they didn’t believe. God promised them goodness, and they didn’t enter in because of fear. His love has overcome anything I ever feared in life. He has shown me that, in reality, there is nothing to fear. There is no fear in love. He has completely crushed the power of the enemy. He has won. I have decided to follow Jesus, and to see His kingdom come, whatever it takes.
Once, not too long ago, I had a dream that I was one of the Narnia children. In the dream I knew I was in Edmunds‘ body. Edmund’s struggle was an identity issue. His answer was the King of the Wood, Aslan. Edmund did not realize the significance of his own life, and the authority and destiny that had been given to him. He made decisions that put his family and the land of Narnia in danger. But there was redemption for Edmund. After one encounter face to face with the King, Edmund changed. He became a true king from the inside out, ruling and reigning with his siblings. This is how important you and I are in the kingdom. You and I are so valuable and needed for who we are, just like Edmund.
As the King is awakening my own heart, I believe God is doing this in His bride all over the earth. He is showing us the way into deep realms of purity, crystal clear waters of pure love. He is revealing the truth of our hearts, and His heart to us to bring us into our full identity as His bride. As we welcome His fire, we will step into our identity with an ease. We will rule and reign on a never-ending adventure with the King of Kings, singing a love song that will never end.
As my story continues, I get to journey with the most amazing man on the planet, my husband Nate. Marrying Nate this past October has brought me into new heights and depths of love that we will discover together forever throughout eternity. Once, a few years ago, the Lord spoke to me and told me that my husband would be a gift to me. Nate’s name means “gift of God” and that is truly what he is to me, in every way. He is the most treasured, valued person in my life, and always will be. His heart has opened up my heart in more ways imaginable. And we have only just begun our journey. My journey of love will never end. It’s an eternal adventure.
